The new teaser for Kingsman: The Golden Circle must set the record for the most rapid ever released. After all, it's barely 30 seconds long, yet crams an awful lot of stuff in. So we thought we'd doff our trilby hats and deploy our finest gadgeting wizardry to delve into the promo and reveal its secrets on a frame by frame basis. Here's what we discovered.
What is the mysterious 'golden circle'? Whatever it is, it's being branded into someone's flesh here, and that must hurt.
The briefest of glimpses at Julianne Moore's villain Poppy, who appears to embody quintessential all-American homeliness but with a deeply twisted edge. We can see her in some form of diner, usually an inviting environment, but her vaguely demented smile makes us rather uneasy...
A sharply attired Eggsy (Taron Egerton), who graduates from chavvy action man to full-blown superspy with his natty new red suit, wields a signature Kingsman umbrella whilst aiming a gun at someone in the distance. Judging from the destruction that surrounds both figures we might imagine this encounter to have been preceded by plenty of explosive action.
We reckon the figure walking away is the quintessentially American cowboy figure Tequila, played by Channing Tatum who represents the Yankee Statesman flipside to our suave British superspies.
So the Statesman aren't just American spies. They're also in the business of branding their own whisky bottles with their name. As the Kingsman would no doubt say, how vulgar.
Well this is definitely Tatum, lying asleep on what looks like the sort of hypersleep pod you'd get from the Alien saga. Is he some sort of genetically enhanced character? It would tie in with director Matthew Vaughn's desire to make the sequel "bigger and crazier" than its hit predecessor.
Another shot of Poppy and she gets even weirder, appearing to kit someone out with a bionic arm whilst standing in front of a... bowling lane? She is fast coming across as some kind of crazed entrepreneur who has her fingers in a lot of deadly pies.
Yes, that is the legendary Jeff Bridges in full Western mode as the head of the Statesman, Champagne aka 'Champ'. Any movie is improved with a little bit of Jeff in it, as last year's Oscar nominated Hell or High Water proved. Can we expect a Big Lebowski reunion between him and Julianne Moore?
The first Kingsman slyly drew on the legacy of the classic James Bond movies, and also satirised the stiff upper lip attitude so associated with the UK establishment. It therefore makes sense that one of our capital's most enduring icons, the black London taxi, is deployed in a chase by Eggsy.
Another shot that appears to enforce the whiskey angle, as a cowboy-hatted figure (we assume it to be Tatum) appears to be attacking a hapless bloke. Is Tatum's character a good guy, or something more sinister? And where does the gosh darn whiskey factor into all this?
So you might mistake this for some sort of long-lost city in the depths of the Amazon (minus the armed guards of course). But look closely at the signage in the background and you'll see it reads, 'Poppy's Land'. This therefore is her nightmarish theme park teased at in pre-release information, one that no doubt presents all kinds of traps for both the Kingsman and Statesman.
A close-up of the hat-wearing Tatum retrospectively confirms him as the figure glimpsed earlier, and this time he's paired with Halle Berry who returns to the spy movie fold following her role as Jinx in 2002's Bond movie Die Another Day. This time, she's playing Statesman tech wizard Ginger (coincidentally the name of her character in 2001 cyber-thriller Swordfish).
It wouldn't be a Matthew Vaughn movie without Britain's finest Mark Strong – the brilliantly versatile actor appeared in the director's films Kick-Ass and Stardust and he returns here as gadgets expert, Merlin.
We had no idea that Dumbledore himself, Michael Gambon, is in the movie. Can we assume that he's taken over from Michael Caine as the head of the Kingsman? He's certainly got the gravitas and British thespian weight that's required.
To quote Alan Partridge: "Tonight, we're talking about evil dogs." But these aren't just standard canines: they're robotic fiends (one of whom is called Bennie) presumably engineered by Poppy to wreak maximum damage. What this means for vulnerable mutt Mr. Pickle is another matter.
Poppy really is an extraordinary entrepreneur. Within her theme park she also has her own cinema, one laced with sly references on its exterior including the Alien 3 tagline.
A welcome return for Sophie Cookson as the kick-ass Roxy aka Lancelot. We were kind of bummed out that she sat out most of the previous film's final battle. Fingers crossed they'll make amends for that here.
Whatever burgers Poppy is selling, we don't want them.
Just Eggsy wielding a massive rocket-powered weapon. As you were.
The butterflies present their own set of questions – but more pressingly, who is that in the movie to the left? Is it (whisper it)... Colin Firth?
The Bond movies were infamous for their snowy action sequences and it looks like Vaughn is paying lip service to them with a cable car-based set-piece.
Another section on butterflies. A quick Google reveals that the family 'Nymphalidae' is the largest family of butterflies in the world, which makes us wonder whether Poppy is planning to distribute something deadly across the globe via usage of the creatures...
The first Kingsman riotously concluded with an action sequence that mixed up a host of exploding heads. This time it looks like Eggsy is bringing the fight to Poppy's doorstep. We can't wait.
Check out the teaser again for yourselves and let us know @Cineworld if you've spotted something we missed. Kingsman: The Golden Circle hits us on 29th September.