With Fifty Shades Darker on its way you might as well just admit it: you enjoy indulging in the odd steamy romance now and again. A word of warning, however, a lot of these passionate romance films aren’t exactly what you would call suitable family viewing. We’re not just talking about young children: we also mean our sweet old grans.
Even if you’re a grown adult your gran will always see you as a sweet child who is innocently naïve to anything remotely steamy. So if you want to remain on the Christmas card list this year please refrain from watching these spicy romances that will certainly lead to some awkward family viewing!
In this blockbusting 1992 thriller, Sharon Stone’s performance as Catherine Tramell takes the femme fatale to a whole new level of seduction.
Basic Instinct is the sexiest murder mystery that has appeared on our screens. The film sees a manipulative women seduce her victims and murder them with an ice-pick after she ties them up in bed. But can Detective Nick Curran (Michael Douglas) prove it was Catherine who committed the murder, or will she be able to flirt her way out of trouble – or have her wicked way with him?
Basic Instinct is hot, mysterious, and exhilarating but is perhaps most well-known for how Sharon Stone sits in the police interrogation scene. If you don’t know what we mean, don't even think about watching it with your sweet old grandma.
There's Something About Mary
Whenever you watch an adult-themed film with your family, particularly your nan, you have to remember to act like you don’t get the dirtier jokes. In the case of There’s Something About Mary, just pretend that it is in fact hair gel in the hair.
Thirteen years after a disastrous prom date, Ted (Ben Stiller) gets another chance to meet his dream girl Mary (Cameron Diaz) when he manages to track her down. From there on There’s Something About Mary becomes a brilliantly outrageous and completely raunchy comedy that should never be watched in the company of family.
If you want to be able to laugh at the dirtier jokes, and not have to go through with the painfully awkward moment of explaining to your gran what exactly is in Cameron Diaz' hair, then always make sure you can watch this one without any family interference.
The film that coined the term 'bunny boiler', Fatal Attraction starts with a chance meeting in a lift that becomes a steamy affair between Alex (Glenn Close) and Dan (Michael Douglas – in his second appearance on this list).
When Dan has to break things off with Alex to hide his treachery from his wife, events slowly descend into chaos as Alex becomes obsessed with Dan and his family with fatal consequences.
Fatal Attraction doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to the methods Alex will take to torment Dan’s family. Just because he cheated on his wife with a crazy person doesn’t mean that they should suffer too. This is certainly a film that turns the heat to boiling point (in more ways than one) and will satisfy your lust for some erotic thrills. If, however, you made your gran watch this one there’s a good chance you’ll give the poor woman nightmares!
What happens when you take the well-established love triangle scenario but throw in a zombie and a pinch of body horror? You get the quirky rom-com that is Nina Forever which is just as steamy as it is hilariously weird.
After his girlfriend, Nina (Fiona O’Shaughnessy) is killed in a car crash, Rob (Cian Barry) starts to fall for a co-worker, Holly (Abigail Hardingham) who is just as crazy about him. Unfortunately for them Nina is unable to find peace in death and returns to the land of the living to sarcastically taunt the new couple whenever they get intimate with each other. Can this threesome work or is there a way to give Nina her eternal peace?
Naturally, a sexy romance with a zombie is not suitable family viewing – we shouldn’t need to tell you responsible people that. But if you’re looking for a romance that is a little (well, a lot) different then this could be the one for you!
Tromeo and Juliet
Everyone knows the story of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet and has seen the story of the star-crossed lovers at least a hundred times. But you haven’t seen it like in Tromeo and Juliet.
The movie comes from the twisted geniuses from Troma entertainment who brought us the classic Toxic Avenger, so to describe this film as raunchy would be a wild understatement. This film aims to be as over-the-top and vulgar as it can possibly be – in fact, gross-out would be a more appropriate term to describe it.
It’s still the story of two young lovers from feuding families but it’s a lot sexier, sillier, schlockier, and gorier than you remember the original play being from your high school English class – oh, and Juliet gets turned into a pig monster.
If your family catches you watching this one alone you will definitely have a lot of explaining to do, and we don’t think the excuse "but it’s Shakespeare" will cut it. If you think you can stomach it, then Tromeo and Juliet might just be the spicy romance for you – but don’t say we didn’t warn you.
9 1/2 Weeks
When Kim Basinger (who appears in Fifty Shades Darker) and Mickey Rourke spark an affair things get pretty intense in Adrian Lyne's erotic thriller. He is sexually demanding and she is more than willing to indulge his fantasies – however intense they may be.
9 ½ Weeks is a daring and lustful tale of obsession and desire that does not afraid to show its naughty side. Maybe don’t watch this film before you eat because there is a lot of food going on in this film that might be enough to put you off eating strawberries and honey for a while.
On the plus side, this film has one of the best dance scenes with blinds you will ever see. It’s naughty, kinky, and a little bit shocking, which makes 9 ½ Weeks the perfect film to keep hidden at the back of your blu-ray collection away from the eyes of elderly family members.
So what about Fifty Shades Darker?
If you’ve heard the words "fifty, shades, of, and grey" used in the same sentence together, then you already know why you wan't be taking your gran.
If you don’t know what the latest and sexiest cinema phenomenon is, then it's best if you ask someone else because it's a bit too kinky to go into detail here. Then again if you are old enough to know about Fifty Shades Darker you will want to keep a close eye on the Cineworld blog for all the latest news, prior to Mr Grey's return on 10th February 2017.
Andy Murray is a writer who blogs for Cineworld as part of the news team.