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The ideal post-superhero jobs for the Fantastic Four


At the moment, the Fantastic Four are exactly that, but what happens when the world is safe, the end is no longer nigh and life isn’t all Doom and gloom? Rather than just sit around their futuristic and palatial superhero pad getting bored and watching daytime TV, we would suggest that they head down to the job centre and use their unique talents to their advantage to rejoin the working population.

Mister Fantastic/Reed Richards – Warehouse worker at Argos 

It’s worth remembering that before all that alternate universe and limb-stretching nonsense, Reed Richards was a renowned scientist of some repute, so there’s always the possibility that he may return to that… Or so you’d think. In reality, and after a number of years of crunching numbers, developing formulae and staring at oddly coloured liquids in glass tubs, Reed might crave a simpler life and apply for a job working in the warehouse at an Argos store. Quickly becoming one of the most popular members of staff, Reed’s elasticated limbs would make reaching the top shelves for stock a breeze and instantly eliminate that tiresome queuing thing where you sit for 10 minutes waiting for your number to be read out.

Human Torch/Johnny Storm – Mobile BBQ 

You would think that having the ability to both fly and spontaneously burst into flames would be a godsend to the job-hunting Johnny Storm, but what with health and safety regulations being as they are, the Human Torch could find his career path begins to narrow at an alarming rate. One suggestion would be to work as a mobile BBQ/camp fire. Storm could hire himself out for parties and Scouting jamborees and sit quietly while children toast marshmallows near his face and grown-ups fry burgers on his back.

Invisible Woman/Susan Storm – Store Detective 

When the Fantastic Four retire from the public eye and begin a life more normal, Susan is the one that might find adapting to a new career the most challenging. After all, in most jobs the idea is to be seen so having the gift of invisibility could be considered to be a disadvantage. One job where being invisible could be regarded as a potential benefit though, would be as a store detective. Susan could lurk unseen around the supermarket aisles, watching out for light-fingered types as they surreptitiously slip food items into their pockets.

The Thing/Ben Grimm – Interactive rock garden 

Prone to the odd moment of disgruntled sulking and navel-gazing – mostly down to the fact that he resembles a walking rockery we suppose – The Thing would make the ideal interactive rock garden. Allowing himself the serene pleasure of sitting around for hours among the selection of alpine rockery plants and tasteful solar-powered water features grumbling and sighing is surely the perfect career for him.

Doctor Doom/Victor Domashev – Children’s Entertainer 

With the world in peace and the role of an overpowering super villain seen as more of an irritation than a genuine threat, Victor ‘Doom’ Domashev might consider a total career change. Doom might consider going into politics, where his unflinching quest for power may serve him well. If he wanted to try something totally different though then we might recommend a new career for Victor as a children’s entertainer. Doctor Doom could become Doctor Happy, the balloon modeller and magician. Trust us, it could work.

Fantastic Four is due to land at Cineword cinemas on 6 August.