Hollywood heroes come in all shapes and sizes – some are tall, some short but the majority of big screen champions tend to have a full head of of beautifully, coiffed, silky smooth hair.
Thankfully, the Fast & Furious franchise has emerged as a podium for the more follically challenged action heroes. With chrome-domed superstars Vin Diesel and The Rock headlining the upcoming Fast & Furious 8, the hair and makeup team backstage have a pretty easy job where their leading men are concerned.
Before these particular baldies reunite, let’s take a look at some more bald-headed heroes who have lit up our screens...for reasons other than the light bouncing off their heads.
5. Frank Martin – the Transporter series
Currently flying the flag for both 80’s-style action and male pattern baldness badassery is Jason Statham. The Stath is living proof that you can be bald and cool...provided you can stylishly beat people to a pulp. The Transporter’s Frank Martin may indulge in some criminal activities, but he does so under a very specific code of ethics: no names, never change the deal and, most importantly, never open the package. Ignorance clearly is bliss.
Despite his criminal undertakings, Martin is always inclined to step up and to do the right thing once it hits the fan, his natural heroism overshadowing any misdeeds. The Statham-less Transporter reboot proved that this high-kicking, hard-punching hero just isn’t the same without the receding hairline.
4. Morpheus – The Matrix
Morpheus has all the ingredients that make up a hero - he is a leader, a warrior and has a voice with so much gravitas that it’d be near impossible not to listen to every word he says. His head being shinier than his well-polished shoes is merely an added bonus.
Guiding protege and prophetic chosen one Neo through simulated Kung Fu lessons, along with the confusion that is The Matrix looks effortless when in Morpheus’ capable hands, and his self-sacrificing, passionate nature cements him as the true hero of the Matrix crew. However, one question remains, how does he maintain such a well-shorn head in an apocalyptic wasteland?
3. Charles Xavier – X-Men
A hero doesn’t always have to possess fighting prowess and a killer one liner; sometimes putting together a good lesson plan is exactly what the professor ordered. The eminent leader of the X-Men, Professor Charles Xavier is a slightly different image of a hero than the one usually conjured in Hollywood.
The Headmaster of a school for gifted youngsters (who happen to be super-powered mutants) and confined to a wheelchair, Xavier doesn’t throw kicks, punches or fire guns, he teaches history and imparts wisdom whilst advocating for mutant rights. Plus, he could kill everyone on Earth with a single thought, so there’s that. Everyone refers to the Wolverines of this world as the heroes and of course, they are, but they would be nothing without Xavier at the heroic helm.
2. Imperator Furiosa – Mad Max: Fury Road
Perhaps not as bald as the other members of this club, Furiosa’s buzz cut gets a pass because she is just that much of a heroic badass. Stealing Mad Max: Fury Road out from under the title character, Furiosa risks life and remaining limbs to rescue the imprisoned wives of the superbly named tyrannical overlord Immortan Joe.
Not only does she go against Joe, in doing the right thing she invites the onslaught of an entire army of pale, chrome inhaling maniacs. Sporting a steampunk style mechanical arm to go with her sweet do, Furiosa is every bit the action hero that this desert dystopia needs.
1. John McClane – Die Hard
McClane is the epitome of the everyman hero, right down to his struggle with hair loss. Gradually receding throughout the Die Hard films, McClane didn’t join the bald club until the fourth instalment but the shaved head somehow made him even more heroic.
The humble New York cop went from shooting a few terrorists to blowing up helicopters with cars, all with a simple zip of the clippers. McClane clung to what was left of his mane for as long as possible, but eventually the stress and strain of being in the wrong place at the wrong time got to him and he finally went full-on cue ball. Heroism has always come naturally to him, as has killing bad guys, but since embracing the baldness the baddies have had to really watch out.
Click here to book your tickets for Fast & Furious 8, opening this week.
Jon Fuge is a writer who blogs for Cineworld as part of our news team.