Buy a ticket to the new dino theme park, they said. It'll be boundless fun, they said. A once in a lifetime opportunity they said...
10. "Shoot her!"
It seems fitting to start where the franchise began, with Jurassic Park's first unfortunate, soon-to-be-digested victim. Unlucky park worker Jophery (Jophery Brown) is merely doing his job, opening a frighteningly large steel gate and unleashing an angry Velociraptor.
Our hapless gatekeeper falls unceremoniously to the floor before being dragged into the cage by the (mostly unseen) monster, the sparks of flare guns illuminating the creature's hide and piercing gaze.
The opening is wonderfully terrifying, and warden Muldoon's (Bob Peck) helpless cries of "shoot her!" will be etched in your brain forever.
9. Never play fetch with a dino
The main villain (other than the raptors) of Jurassic Park is the reprehensible Dennis Nedry. Played to perfection by Wayne Knight, Nedry is the one who ultimately destroys the park by messing with its infrastructure in order to smuggle embryos off Isla Nublar.
Thankfully for us, that comeuppance comes in the form of a Dilophosaurus, a small yet deadly member of the dino clan. After a difficult escape that leaves him stranded, Nedry attempts to distract the critter with a lovely game of ill-advised fetch. It is then that his new playmate reveals a demonic hood, spits poison goo in his eyes, and devours him. Lovely stuff.
8. "Don't go into the long grass!"
One of the most thrilling sequences in sequel The Lost World begins with a shrill warning: "Don't go into the long grass!" As our mismatched gang of hunters and naturalists navigate their way through the obviously dangerous field, a nearby pack of raptors descend upon them, picking them off one by one to a chorus of screams.
Swathes of disposable characters are wiped out, and you'll certainly need a breather once our heroes, led by Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum), safely reach the other side.
7. Stick with the snake
Another unforgettably gruesome moment from The Lost World. Taking refuge from a rampaging T-Rex beneath a waterfall, a bearded dinosaur expert watches in horror as a snake slithers its way into his clothing. Panicking, he flails and screams as he stumbles out of the cave – a loud crunch and blood-red waterfall later, and the bearded fellow is no more. Brutal. (Skip to the end of the following clip for the relevant moment.)
6. So long, Vic Hoskins
Soldier and all round Jurassic World scenery-chewer Vic Hoskins' (Vincent D'Onofrio) idea to weaponise the raptors is clearly a terrible one. He learns this the hard way, attempting to talk down encroaching raptor Blu, named so by trainer Owen (Chris Pratt). At first it seems the dino is being persuaded, but alas it was just deciding which bit of Vic to eat first. Grisly stuff.
5. One too many Compys
Peter Stormare's gung-ho mercenary Dieter Stark certainly had it coming. However, none of the characters in The Lost World could have guessed his timely demise would come from the tiny Compsognathus.
After leaving his group to answer nature's call, Dieter decides to shoot at the sweet lil' compys, laughing while he does so. Clearly not a smart man, Dieter is suddenly ganged up on by a whole host of the little blighters as they chomp him into pieces, all as his screams echo and the nearby stream runs red.
4. A hero's demise
Unlike Dieter, Eddie Carr (Richard Schiff) deserved better. A man clearly in awe of the majestic monsters that roam Isla Sorna, Eddie becomes a somewhat unlikely hero, rescuing his helpless friends as they dangle over a cliff-edge. A very likeable character, it should have been obvious he'd be victim to the most gruesome death in the whole of The Lost World. You can't help but shed a tear as nice guy Eddie is torn in half by a pair of T-Rexes.
3. Up, up and away
Poor Zara (Katie McGrath) – she was only supposed to be babysitting. This lowly, overworked assistant expected nothing more than a day touring Jurassic World. Instead, she is victim to one of the most drawn out demises in dino history.
Scooped up by a winged Pterosaur, Zara is tossed to and fro by the flying beasties before being dropped from a height into water and picked up again, before finally ending up in the digestive system of a Mosasaurus. Hope it doesn't get indigestion.
2. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go
Being eaten while on the toilet is indisputable proof that nowhere is safe when there's a dino on the loose. Cowering in the facilities at the time is slimy lawyer Gennaro (Martin Ferrero), whose desire to escape the fence-chomping T-Rex ultimately decides his fate. The Rex clearly pays no attention to the 'occupied' sign or any concept of irony as it bursts in and chows down.
1. "Clever girl…"
Jurassic Park's no-nonsense warden Muldoon sacrifices himself to a pack of raptors, allowing Ellie Satler (Laura Dern) a chance to escape – albeit unwittingly.
Taking the raptors head-on in a ludicrously heroic act, Muldoon is unaware of their hunting method (although this had earlier been forewarned by Sam Neill's Alan Grant). Taking one of the claw-toed beasties in his sight, to Muldoon's (and the audience's) horror, he is in fact attacked from the side, unable to do anything other than utter the immortal line "Clever girl".
Will Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom match such a memorable death by dino? Only time will tell. The movie is released on 6th June.
Jon Fuge is an Unlimited card holder who blogs for Cineworld as part of our news team.